#depressive episode soon but idk what to do to help it

[causticsunshine]

.

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

helloooo hiiii haii hiii

do you think you could write a fic (duff x reader) w duff being a big softie w his s/o and taking extra care of them while they’re going through a little depressive episode, just making sure they’re taking care of themself and giving em gentle cuddles and reassurance n fluffy shit? that would be super sweet <3

Warnings: Depression, idk it's mostly fluff but if you think I missed something let me know otherwise enjoy!

You honestly never saw it coming, but Duff did.

You felt yourself getting more tired more easily but just chalked it up to not getting enough sleep, you stopped eating and also thought it was just from not getting enough sleep.

Soon you were laying in bed, it was almost 3:00 pm and you hadn't moved since you woke up.

The phone was ringing every hour but you never answered, then it was every half hour, every fifteen minutes. Duff was calling you like his life depended on it.

The past few weeks he'd been listening to you complain about hurting and being tired and this, that and the other thing. He knew what was happening but you didn't.

He'd been taking you out more, dinners every other night -at first he tried taking you to restaurants but then you started saying no, not having the energy to go out. He'd come by and help with things around your apartment, washing the dishes, doing laundry.

He always tried to include you in these activities but at some point you just stopped answering to him.

You heard a knock on your door but didn't want to answer it, you didn't want to get up. It took you too long to realize what was happening and now you were just blocking everyone out.

The door opened and you knew it was Duff, you'd given him a key the last time this happened for when it happened again. This was again and he came right to your room with take-out from your favourite fast food place.

He sat next to you on your bed. He didn't wait for you to turn to him, he wrapped his arms around you, under your arms, and pulled you up. Your body slumped against him but it was better than laying down. Small victories.

He opened up the food and helped you eat, holding it to your mouth and waiting for you to take a bite. "Eat." He said. "Eat it or I'm painting your face with it." You shot him a look but took a bite, a small bite but a bite nonetheless. "Good, keep eating."

After the first bite you wanted more. You didn't feel like doing much but it was still your favourite food, you couldn't turn down your favourite food.

He stuck with you, he didn't push you to do a whole lot. He made you change your clothes and move to the couch while he took care of some cleaning.

You were laying on the couch on top of him, nuzzling into him as you watched a movie.

His arms wrapped tightly around you, occasionally kissing the top of your head or your forehead, your temple.

"Guns is going on tour." He said, running his fingers through your hair.

You nodded. "I know."

"I know you know." You looked up at him, resting your chin on his chest. "I want you to come with me." Your brows raised at that.

You'd never gone on tour with him before, it was never even a question more of just 'I'm going' 'call me every day?' and it worked fine for the both of you.

"You... want me to come?" You asked hesitantly. "What about, like, groupies?" He gave you a look.

"Groupies, seriously? I have you and I want you on tour with me, in my hotel room, in my bed, in my arms." He stated, giving you a gentle squeeze. "There's no reason you can't come, you're coming."

"I have work."

"Quit."

"I can't just quit, Duff!" You groaned, swatting his chest. He smiled. It wasn't a lot but it was a glimpse at your usual self.

"You don't need your job, you have me." In fairness, you don't know why you don't already live with Duff, very rarely are you separated, usually only tours stand in your way.

You laid your head back down on his chest. "I can't quit."

Duff let out a heavy breath. "Quit or don't quit, you're coming with me and that's final."

For the next week Duff stuck with you, every day encouraging you to do a little more. He helped you shower, starting with warm bubble baths, lit candles around, when you got in the shower he was with you, washing your hair for you, then you'd wash his hair.

He had you help him with dinner, letting you sit on the counter and just talk to him while he did the work, then he'd have you dry the dishes after he washed them. You had a washing machine but he felt this would be better.

Soon he had you going on walks around the neighbourhood and packing your bags.

You were by no means fine by the time the plane took off, but you were doing better. Every night Duff would pull you tight to his side, kiss your forehead and tell you how much he loved you, how important you were to him.

You were standing out on the balcony of the hotel you were staying at. It was a cool night and you were wearing one of Duff's shirts, the way the city lit up was beautiful to you.

"You're gonna catch a cold." Duff said, coming out to join you, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on your head. "Can't have you getting sick on me."

"Because then I'd have to leave?" You asked, taking his hand in yours.

"Because then you'd get me sick and I wouldn't be able to play." You smacked his arm and he laughed.

He sighed softly and rubbed your arms, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I'm glad you came." He said, voice soft in your ear. "I like being here with you."

You nodded. "I like being here too... with you."

"Glad I'm an after thought." You shook your head at him, turning in his hold to face him and nuzzling into his chest.

"Thank you." You said softly.

"Don't do that." He said, rubbing your back. "I didn't do anything special."

"You brought me here."

"Ok, yeah, fine, you get that." He said with a smile. "That's just because I'm a band, a good one... Don't thank me for the other stuff."

You looked up at him curiously. "Why not?"

"I didn't do more than what any other good boyfriend would do... just like you help me before planes, I help you through these. It's just what we do." He explained. He looked down at you, cupping your face in his hands. "You're my perfect girl, don't forget that." He leaned down and kissed your forehead, then your nose and finally your lips.

[doshiart]

🖤 weekly tag wednesday 🖤

hiiii, pocket friends <3 thanks for tagging me @jrooc @michellemisfit

Name and A03 handle: doshi, snifsnufkin

Current Location: clip studio paint

Favorite picrew (don't have one? you can skip this or do this one)?

there was my top 1 favs ♡ poicon maker ♡ by poika, but i found out that it's removed (deleted or private) 😭

i love a lots...

picrew // picrew // picrew // picrew // picrew // picrew // picrew

What's one thing you want in a picrew?

most likely none of you know that it will soon be a year since i released my own picrew and so after that, i can't be picky and upset anymore if i didn't find the right hairs for me hahaha

i won't say what I WANT, but i love having a choice of cute animals!

and speaking of! hehehe, i'll note every thing you'll write there!!! because now i'm doing a new picrew maker rn and i say nothing 🤭

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

i love this drawing sm

Why is it your favourite? something in the vibe, dark, tension, colors. maybe especially because it's a scene from the fic and i think it shows their tension quite well?

Did it come easily or was it hard to create? no, at the beginning i didn't get the perspective i wanted, i was interested in this angle with the mirror reflection and was upset when things went wrong because in my head it was perfect lol so i just redrew it

Last ao3 fic you commented on? Workhouse Rock and A Song Only You Can Hear by Deena @suzy-queued I've kinda settled into her page

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? 

idk, probably Your Question Has Been Received by Macy @celestialmickey but i like the way it stopped on their meet and kiss, and also i know that Macy wants to get back to it one day, so it's not exactly a heartache

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic?

slowburn and mutual pining for sure! i love the delving into Ian's bipolar, the emotions and the versions of his depressing episodes hit me all the time. the last time i cried over this was in The Menagerie by @crossmydna

Least favourite? a/b/o. when things happen too fast (i really love slowburn... give me a fic where they didn't kiss until the last chapters and i'll eat it *says hi to Deena and ULAK boys*)

Secret or surprising kink or trope? i have cymbals monkeys in my head not in a kink way of course,,,,

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? 

i can finally get a good sleep,,,, i'm dying to share it with you!

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: all of you <3

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____?

i'm falling into fics

tagging @suzy-queued @lingy910y @burninface @mybrainismelted @creepkinginc

@celestialmickey @sickness-health-all-that-shit @crossmydna @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx

@energievie @blue-disco-lights @thepupperino @vintagelacerosette @gallapiech

@roryonic @spookygingerr @deathclassic @sgtmickeyslaughter @nymacron 🖤🖤🖤

[aphroditesmoon]

Do you have any SFW and NSFW headcanons for dating Tommy?

tommy miller x reader

warnings: pregnancy, nsfw under the cut, pre/post-outbreak mixed.

a/n: ah so real, my underrated baby

°°°

(sfw)

- first off, let me just tell y'all that tommy is 100% the the of man to try and woo you by overdoing 'manly things'.

- like carrying 4 boxes at the same time (he tripped and fell but got back up like a champ🫶), purposely answering his door shirtless and leaning on the doorframe to flex his bod.

- but of course what really made you fall for him was the way he has your coffee order engraved in his memory, how he worries over you and gives you a call when he notices you leaving an event or part early.

- he's just a giant softie at heart.

- he also took it to himself to teach you how to use a gun after seeing how shit ur aim is after the outbreak.

- "It's like a watergun right? you just point and shoot." of course, waterguns aren't as heavy as guns and rifles, which you soon learned.

- he absolutely adores it when he's sitting down, reading a book or using his computer and you'll be sitting on his lap, head buried on the crook of his neck, and he can feel your warm steady breath.

- He never tells you this but when he's holding you close while being tense and anxious, he likes to count the breaths you inhale and exhale to help calm himself down.

- is the WORST COOK !!! the best meal you've ever had by him was an air-fried chicken nuggets.

- Is however very generous in buying you snacks.

- they type of guy to buy you 20 boxes of Oreos after you tell him it's taste nice once.

- very overprotective after the outbreak, even after safely moving into Jackson.

- he tries not to be overbearing about it though, like he'll just talk to you through the walkie talkies while you're on patrol, keeps your shifts hours in a notepad to remember when you finish work, asking to be paired up with you for patrol, etc.

- when you both found out that you were pregnant however...

- no patrols at all, he's carrying you wherever you need to go, and god forbids he had to be away from you for more than 15 minutes.

- will talk to your belly, but instead of being all sweet and lovey about it, he'll just start cracking the worst dad jokes in existence and starts laughing at his own jokes, shoving his face onto your belly while cackling his ass off.

-----

(nsfw)

- the things I want to do to this man

- he loves it when you're pulling his hair, it's a big indicator that he's doing a good job tbh.

- like you could be pulling his roots out of his head and he'll just start pulling your legs wider apart, thrusting his cock harder.

- as much as he loves it when you're scratching and grabbing him, his favourite position is when you're face down and ass up with your hands tied at your back.

- it turns him on so much to see you a begging mess in front of him completely a his mercy while he's fucking you from behind.

- secretly wants to try anal but would never bring it up and says no even when you're the one bringing it up, mostly because he doesn't want to hurt you.

- lactation kink after having a baby bcs idk man, u see the guy? he's definitely a tittysucker. (I'd go into details in a fic or sumn if u want but I'm in a depressive episode rn LMA//OAOAO 😭)

[mikuni14]

Let Free the Curse of Teakwondo - Ep 3-4

After having a hard time watching J&J, I had an equally hard time watching two (!) new episodes of LFTCOT that same week. Ep 3 because I felt the tension and sense of impending doom growing the more they made plans together and the more they talked about the importance of exams. It was obvious that something was going to happen, to the point where I physically forced myself to get to the exam scene because the twisted version of second-hand emabrrassment made me feel downright sick. Ep 4 was just plain depressing, I could feel the abandonment and lack of closure in JuYeoung, how he was somehow "suspended" between the past and the inability to start his "future", like he couldn't move on, struggling with not knowing what he did wrong in the most important time of his life. Like, he was super happy one day, and the next everything was in ruins. And JuYeoung is that type of person, and it doesn't surprise me at all. I'm not surprised at all that the first thing he says to DoHoe is "don't you have anything to say to me?" and his pressure to talk. JuYeoung needs to KNOW to move on, to live.

I won't deny that DoHoe's complete shutting off, not even saying goodbye, ending their relationship, really depressed me and it was hard for me to accept. @miss0atae gave a very good, positive explanation in her post and it gave me a more positive perspective on the situation 😌

Because my first reaction was: hmm, that seems excessive on his part, especially since he could have just... broken up with JuYeoung. But then I reprimanded myself for this train of thought, remembering that victims of domestic violence, especially young victims of domestic violence, can behave seemingly completely irrationally, because they have different reactions and a different way of thinking learned from years of fear and stress.

Then I also reflected on how much of his reaction could have been caused by resentment towards his father… and towards JuYeoung. From the beginning of the series it's clear that DoHoe thinks about nothing and dreams about nothing other than running away from home and a good exam result was supposed to help him do that. DoHoe has a real obsession with it and is completely focused on it. He treats all the horrible things caused by his father (and bullying from his peers) as something he simply has to endure, because everything will be fine soon, because he will be gone soon. His feelings for JuYeoung were not planned, they mess up his life and he clearly resisted it, although he finally gave in - after all he is young and needs affection, attention and love. And now, just before the most important day, he finds out that JuYeoung succeeded in something, and the next day DoHoe fails his exam because of JuYeoung and his father. On his most important day, right then, his father and JuYoung screw up his life. And it doesn't matter what JuYeoung's motives were, what counts is the final result. Isn't that reason enough to feel resentment towards JuYeoung and not want to see him? Idk. Maybe?

Especially since DoHoe knows that JuYeoung keeps in touch with his abusive father and takes care of him. That could be considered a betrayal. When I think about it, I could grow a resentment if I were him. I mean, the most important people (for one reason, or another) in DoHoe's life screwed up the most important day of his life, knowing that he needed peace and focus then. Of all days, they chose that day for a big drama...

Interestingly, he keeps in touch with HyeonHo, who could have waited until the end of the exam to inform him about what happened. HyenHo also played a part in sabotaging his chances at the exam.

So I'm really curious what DoHoe will tell JuYeung, what his motives were for going no contact 12 years ago.

(By the way, time skip, especially such a long one, is something I will never, never understand in romances. They lose the most precious, often the best years of their lives by not being together. That's why I will always hate this trope. I could still buy it if they lived their lives to the fullest during that time, but most often this trope is about the lovers still loving and missing each other, and their breakup is always caused by a lack of communication. I can't wait for this trope to finally die ngl 😩)

Remember when snow didn't hurt.. 🥺

[everythingwasnormalhere]

🧸🏳️‍🌈♿📈 and uhh "how do their family/friends react to it" once I forgot the emoji for- for kenny and uhh maybe Craig and also maybe twerk? (That is if u hc either of them as disabled In any way)

I hc literally everyone as disabled, so you're getting answers for all 3 >:3

Kenny:

♿️ - What is their disability/disabilities? What are the symptoms that they show?

Besides his chronic pain i wont stop talking about, he has AuDHD, depression, MaDD and C-PTSD ✨

His C-PTSD symtoms didn't show much until adulthood (late 20s-early 30s), because that was when his brain processed the environment as safe and stopped being in permanent survival mode. However, the symptoms of everything else have showed since he was Really young, his MaDD was at its worst when he was around 12 (iykyk) and got better since he left south park, mainly after he started therapy (took him long enough smh)

📈 - What age was their disability formed, or became apparent, at?

The first time one of his deaths still hurt after the fact was on s3 e1, after Kelly revived him. However, he didn't give it much thought, thinking it was just what getting killed by lightning was like. Then it was kind of like a roulette whether it'd hurt or not, but even when it did it was incredibly easy to ignore - until his teens, when he died so often (more on purpose than not) it quickened the effects a lot

🦮 - Do they have supportive friends and/or family? How do they help on bad days? (i think you meant this one)

Yeah, he does! His friends are generally supportive, even cartman after he gets over his assholery. His siblings too :) stuart however is an asshole, and even though kenny went NC with carol i feel like she'd be quite supportive idk. And about how they help on bad days, cuddles from butters mostly do the trick XD if butters isn't there though, more often than not will someone at the very least pay attention to him, either helping out by getting him stuff (food etc) or doing something to keep him entertained (talking, board games, depends on how hes feeling tbh)

🧸- Do they have a comfort item?

He used to have his orange parka, but since karen inherited he doesn't have it anymore, so i would say he doesn't really have any comfort items? Unless we count the mimikyu plush, but idk if that would really qualify as a comfort item much, other than making him think of butters whenever he sees it :)

🏳️‍🌈 - A random headcanon about them and their disability

-He diagnosed craig's autism way before any professional did, but he thought craig was aware of it so he didn't say anything 💀 (he has the strongest autismdar ever) -Most of his daydreams are similar to the stuff he thought in the cheesing episode in some way or another -He used to deal with flashbacks by going on normally with his life, to the point nobody but his friends could ever tell he was going through The Horrors - however as his PTSD worsened he couldn't do that anymore

Craig:

♿️ - What is their disability/disabilities? What are the symptoms that they show?

Autism, it's painfully obvious yet he wasn't diagnosed till he was 15 😭

📈 - What age was their disability formed, or became apparent, at?

From kenny's pov, ever since craig was born 💀 but most people in his life didn't see it as disabling until it began messing with his studies in his teens

🦮 - Do they have supportive friends and/or family? How do they help on bad days?

YUP!!! His parents didn't think it was autism at first, "no everyone does that", surprise all the Tucker's are autistic XD They were a bit confused at first, not knowing what to do, but they were still super supportive about it :) Tricia was as much of a dick to him as usual so nothing new on her side lmao, and his friends were cool about it as soon as they learnt about his diagnosis (cue teasing from kenny and jimmy for thinking he was neurotipical smh, nah craig sry but you stuck with the nds 💀). Also, TWEEK, boy is so loud and that makes him feel so guilty because of how it overwhelms craig ;w; he was the first person who knew craig got diagnosed besides his family, and he did his best to accomodate him as much as he needed :3

🧸- Do they have a comfort item?

Not comforting autism-wise but comforting regardless, the shit ton of (accurate to constellations) glow in the dark stars in his bedroom, he cannot sleep without them. He also has a tiny alien plush keychain he found at Tweek's house and Tweek insisted he should keep it (neither of them know where it came from 💀), so that's another thing :)

🏳️‍🌈 - A random headcanon about them and their disability

-After the diagnosis he refused to leave his room for weeks because he didn't know how to cope with it, and nobody besides his family and tweek were allowed to come in during that period - in the end though, with their help he accepted it -Something I've mentioned a couple times already but is hilarious to me: he didn't talk until he was four (how did it take him so long to get diagnosed), and his first words were a "cállate pendejo" directed at cartman 😭

Tweek:

♿️ - What is their disability/disabilities? What are the symptoms that they show?

Tourettes, anxiety, schizophrenia and PPD - most of these were at the very least influenced by the whole meth in coffee thing

📈 - What age was their disability formed, or became apparent, at?

He gave symptoms of all these since he was really young, besides PPD, which only became obvious almost as soon as he left his house

🦮 - Do they have supportive friends and/or family? How do they help on bad days?

Family? Haha ok next question--- About his friends though, they do their best to help him with it. Most times during the worst days he can only stand Craig's company, who will listen to him and try to help him feel safe, however normally he's ok enough to be with others just fine. He gets accomodations at college and later at work too, like being allowed to stay home some days or to leave early

🧸- Do they have a comfort item?

YES YES YES !!! Storytime, after craig and tweek dated for three years, craig's anniversary gift was a green stuffed stegosaurus (since tweek was fixated on dinosaurs back then), which tweek named peanuts :) Peanuts became the way tweek would deal with any anxiety attacks, but he tugged at him so hard he broke - however, laura patched peanuts up for tweek (after craig quite literally begged her to, she would've done it anyway but he did anyway) Then, when they moved out, peanuts disappeared :( until the tuckers found him under craig's bed, who knows how he ended up there XD SO tweek's comfort item is the oldest most used up cutest little stego ever :3 (also does having a room full of spiders count as a comfort item? idk but he does cuz he loves spiders, craig despises that room with his whole soul poor boy hates spiders so much 😭)

🏳️‍🌈 - A random headcanon about them and their disability

Went NC with his parents as soon as he could!!! He also stopped drinking their coffee in his early teens, but because he (and everyone tbh) thought what messed up his health was the caffeine not the meth - he didn't find out about the fact he was being drugged until he was told the "secret family recipe" when he turned 18 (and, understandably, he was PISSED)

[nerdyfan1]

Btw I’ll always argue Pentious is not just a gag character and his arc is probably the best one in season one. In fact not only do I like him more in the actual show then how he is in the pilot but, I think the show makes him in the pilot make more sense.

Idk I noticed some ppl were expecting him to be way more serious. Which doesn’t really fit season 1 at all. Here now we got a more interesting character with a good set up for depth later on along with something that both makes sense with what was established in the pilot (cus yes I actually do think deep down Pentious was always a bit soft and his behavior in the pilot along with towards the beginning before he got used to everyone in the hotel is him reacting to his environment) and fits the general tone. I noticed that a lot of ppl really wanted to seem more depressed or serious while having his softer more goofy side underplayed (or be just be completely dickish which sounds super uninteresting lol) without really trying to understand why he was written this way in the official show to begin with. They clearly wrote him this way to show his progress in the hotel. He doesn’t start sad wet uwu babygirl, go back it’s more of a result of him soften around ppl like Charlie and the rest of the cast. That’s kind of the point. Like idk I wouldn’t have this man be any other way. 💖

Hearing about the interviews and stuff including how they do plan to explore his backstory kind of tells me what I was expecting. Idk we can’t expect all the characters to be dark and serious in the first season we need to have some endearment first. Following this show as episodes reminded me why I usually hate following currently airing stuff cus ppl always assume stuff way too soon. I understand some ppl can have skepticism but, I do think ppl should at least try to trust the writers know what they are doing. The creator been working on this concept for god knows how long.

Besides I’ll always in favorite of a more openly emotionally softer male character in animation that the rest of the cast doesn’t mock specifically for seeming so “sensitive”. Especially in adult animation. I love how the cast realized this is just how Pentious is and don’t mind it. It helps emphasize the arc that Pentious just really needed someone who accepted him for who he was deep down. He able to open up and feel comfortable as himself. Idk I like that it’s a way more interesting direction to take.

Sorry btw for how ranty this is I’m a picky guy and as you can probably tell I’m pretty passionate about this specific character but, also the show as a whole. I try to keep in mind what the actual show is trying to accomplish when it comes to this and it’s so so sooo important to remember what the source material is like. Along with the creator. There are times when the creator insight ends up with a bad end result however I don’t see that here. At least in terms of season 1.

Idk if ppl really get this but, thought I’d throw it out there cus you guys seem to like when I ramble about this man so yeah while trying to figure out my Cherri Bomb theory post out um have unfiltered Pentious thoughts. Cus I never really went into detail why I like him in the actual show anyways. Cus my problems with uwuifed Pentious is more a community thing. Even at that it’s not as bad just sometimes annoying.

Guys I’m a Tobias Wilson fan, trust me I’ve seen far worse fandom butchering of a sad lil guy. Besides Pentious is definitely cute that issue more me being bothered ppl pretend the canon Pentious is exclusively a gag character who is soft and cute. Pentious is probably one of the most misinterpreted character along with Alastor.

[yaaboi-jay]

If I had a wish, it would be to rewrite reality, so underplayer is included in underverse from the start of 0.5, maybe a cameo in the back in every episode before being a main character in 0.8 and beyond (this is being written before 0.8 part one release)

1. It's a really cool comic that doesn't get a lot of attention lately. It would shed light on a really cool story and character.

2. The AU can easily just be an AT of the undertale, so it makes sense how underplayer exists in the story.

3. Player themself (idk their gender) could have interesting dynamics with both error and ink, seeing as they come from the same place as creators of AUs, the real world kinda. Error and ink could have wild questions and dynamics about someone outside of the multiverse.

Ink sees worlds as stories, player sees all stories as worlds.

Error sees no value in many different stories, player sees value in all worlds. (Also, Player and Error have already met in like a side page in the underplayer comic. Error would recognize them)

4. Player's true goal is to achieve the perfect ending. They would probably be pissed at a timeline where outside universes ruin a true pacifist timeline.

5. Their powers are really sick. Being able to edit code. Like overwrite but with the only limit being not being able to change the timeline completely. This limit is gone because the timeline is already messed up and an alternate timeline. Would be sick to see player using their powers to the fullest extent.

6. Clashing ideals with XGaster. Xgaster wants a perfect story, player just wants a story and ending where everyone is happy.

7. Fun tag along with sans. Sans would know who Player already is since all timeline variants have an inkling of an idea to what happens in other timelines like Killer or geno did. Maybe they help sans with their depression or just is a buddy to them.

8. Awesome fight scenes. Player is not a hand to hand fighter or magic user, which would make them unique from a fight perspective. Being able to edit any code, this would have great looking attacks or a fighting style that no one else could do.

9. Thematic purpose in the story is that someone who would oppose XGaster's need to create a perfect story. All main multiversal characters have a thematic or emotional purpose. Nightmare represents the darkness in everyone's heart and how bad feelings can never truly go away like cross in the 0.6 fight, core acts like a level-headed friend to everyone who needs it, etc.

Player acts like a creator or someone adjacent against XGaster. They are someone who's beyond the multiverse. Clashes between XGaster's selfishness with his story and Player's anger at someone who had real effects in the real world.

Anyways thanks for reading. @jakei95 , Thanks for making an amazing show with awesome writing and animation. I know you said that "the script is done, no more characters are gonna be added", but this is just a wish for me lol. Get better soon. The community rallies behind you to whatever you want to pursue!

[luthordamnvers]

For the fruit emoji ask: bananna and bunch of grapes.

🍌 In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?

I don't really consider myself particularly funny, but I will forever love the "Nice to meet you Purity" that Kara says when she sees Katie's Lena's tattoo for the first time in DEBS. It wasn't really my idea, but I HAD to include it in that fic. Then, one of the funniest things I think I've written is one quip Brainy says in 2023's supercorptober. It has everything to do with context but I was CACKLING when I came up with that particular paragraph: “Why not?” Brainy meddled. “Intimacy could help with your foul mood. It can help reduce feelings of anxiety and depression as it triggers the release of dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin.” He continued. “If you find him a fine specimen, and you have the express permission of his life companion, there is no reason not to. You almost did it with Mon-El, and Imra was certainly not as agreeable with sharing partners.” Brainy voiced with the precision of a surgeon and the finesse of a wrecking ball. 

🍇 Is there a particular scene/episode/book/etc that you want to just write a million fics about, over and over? Which one?

Idk if this would be a surprise to anyone, but I feel I could write inside the supergirl show forever. As i'm sure you are aware, I tend to write post show. I can work with the series as is. But there is a myriad (heeey) of things you could explore in ANY season. With ANY character you feel like. Kara and Lena, obviously are my mains, but Jess the secretary, my beloved, had a canon appearance of 13 seconds, but to me she will remain Lena's right hand woman forever, and I'd love to give her an arc just for herself. Sam Arias was for a season and I'll write fics about her soon. Show never gave me Kelly's ex-fiancee name but by Rao i'll write about their relationship even if just to establish context. They are my blorbos.... I've claimed them.

Thank you so much for asking, darling💜

[Fruity ask game]

[pathologising]

hi.

feel free to ignore this if it doesn’t help at all or if i’m coming off as a presumptuous dickhead but. i just wanted to say that i’ve seen your latest posts and i’ve been going through a pretty deep depressive episode myself (that no one but me can understand or handle!) and idk. i just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in feeling what you feel. the exhaustion of feeling horrible and being unable to move on and being tired of everything and yourself for not being able to “get better” the seemingly never ending cycle of being okay for a minute only to feel like you’ve gone back to square one. the years and years and fucking years of feeling stuck. like you’re wasting time and years that you’ll never get back. the not wanting to live but being too afraid to die. it is a maddening feeling and it is soooo fucking unfair!i don’t really have any advice or anything helpful to say other than you’re not alone. you aren’t crazy or overdramatic. i haven’t figured out this shit yet either and i feel like

i don’t really have anybody that can help me. but seeing your posts make me feel like i’m a bit less isolated if that makes sense? i still feel like garbage as of typing this but you make me feel a little less alone in all this and i think you should know that. i hope that maybe you’ll feel a bit less alone too? i’m also not saying this to guilt trip you into anything or to make you feel worse. i just wanted to thank you i guess. i’m very sorry you’re going through this. you do not deserve it

I love you. I hope the world is kinder to us soon <3

[emonydeborah]

SNW and DISCO spoilers

so I watched the Una episodes of discovery with no other context. So it’s just the episode where they find the sphere and the last two episodes of season two.

they really go buckwild on this ship. Tilly is being eaten by fungus and no one tells anyone. Jett and the mushroom man get high and slap each other out of it. Also did Jett appear from the vents? Michael is having a family crisis. Saru asked his friend to help him commit ritual suicide and I think a part of his brain fell out. Also I didn’t know he spoke so many languages so that was cool.

they are so dramatic here. The shocked and horrified stares around at each other made the finale an hour long otherwise it would have been like 30 minutes. I expect this from Chris but good grief. The letters goodbye one bye one? Sarek and Amanda somehow showing up ahead of a whole fleet to tell Michael they love her? The sibling fight as the ship is being fired upon? (that one tracks actually) I like it for the big moments but are they always like this?? And is the “eyes up” thing a thing and why doesn’t Chris do it anymore?

I do like the found familyness I am sensing. The whole fam banding together to go with Michael was sweet. And their goodbye to Chris. This is the level of found family where I’d expect to find at least a few of those foster kid fanfics where they refuse to leave each other and the foster parents get six kids at once. I have not looked but I would be disappointed if there aren’t any.

Pike’s stepdad energy is so strong. The whole crew does what they want and loop him in when they feel like it. They are fine without him and have their own system and dynamics going on. He knows it, too, which is hilarious to watch from just knowing him from snw. He really just intervenes to keep his genius stepchildren from straying too far off the mission. They are running around like overexcited puppies (“the sphere is trying to communicate!!!!”) and he keeps them from gnawing on the walls. But he is a good stepdad in that he is ready to throw hands and use his ship as a shield so they can get away from section 31.

then as soon as he gets back to enterprise he brings all of the evil fbi apparently. Una is not surprised and has tricked out the whole ship and the shuttles for battle without prompt. She went Chris was out of my sight for too long we need to be ready to fight the galaxy.

and some more Una notes: Katrina Cornwell seemed tall and commanding until she stood next to Una and it was hilarious how small she was. Took me out of the dramatic bomb defusing moment but I still had fun. And Chris knew someone was going to die from that torpedo and got Una out as soon as he knew there were no other options. My pikeuna heart.

And Una choosing violence with the interrogation sent me. SNW fans know she has been hiding and afraid of scrutiny her whole life, and this is how she shows it. What a woman. She did not even tell them her name. Did we know she was Una at this point or was she Number One all the way until snw premiered?

“Follow the queen.” *Chris immediately looks at Una* I see you Chris.

it is obvious that they did not know how they were going to open snw with Chris being depressed and Una going missing but I liked their shock and happiness when Spock showed up beardless.

idk if I am intrigued enough to watch this whole show but I like Georgiou being their personal annoying gremlin. “Everybody hates you. Congratulations.” Also queen Po going if I die I die.

did not like Una going “in English please” to literally another navigator. We know she’s a genius let her be one y’all. If it were a science person going off a thousand words a minute I would allow it. But Una was talking to a pilot. Do better.

IN GENERAL, a good time. I was there for Una and she was not there much, but that was expected I guess. I was not prepared for how emotional discovery's crew would be. They are all in their feelings at all times. I liked them as a crew and maybe I will return one day.

[hell-is-a-teenage-girls-mind]

So my therapist and psychiatrist have brought up the possibility that I have cyclothymia. I have intense mood swings that go from painful suicidal depression, with zero motivation for anything but school to super excited and happy and thinking that all of my mental health problems are gone. I rapidly switch between these and have since I was 16, but its gotten really bad this year (I'm 18).

Honestly I'm kinda scared of the idea that I have some sort of mood disorder, just because of how its portrayed and how other peoples attitudes are towards it. And, I know that people with bipolar can live normally, hell, I have multiple friends who are diagnosed with some form of bipolar.

I just don't know what to do next. The depressive episodes are getting worse (I had one over the summer that lasted for like 2-3 weeks and I had a suicide attempt during that time), and the good periods are getting worse as well (I just had a period (still dont know if its done), where I felt great, not depressed, all I wanted to do was create and write and watch movies, and I could only sleep 5-6 hours when I normally sleep 7-9, and as a result I have been far more irritated by everything).

I guess it is comforting to know that there are ways to help this, but still. I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I'm going to be starting a new antidepressant/antianxiety med soon (have to wait till after finals to make sure I don't have a bad reaction and mess up my tests), and if that dosen't help with anxiety/depression/irritability, then IDK what my therapist and psychiatrist will do. I'm a bit nervous to start this medication as well because the last two meds I've tried I didn't like. One just didn't work, there was no difference. Then the other made me so exhausted I couldn't function (I described it as the only time I had been that tired was when I had COVID).

[sunshineyuuji]

Hi I’m glad you’re feeling better. I was wondering if you could write a Dazai x a gender neutral MC where he finds out the reader has depression but also finds out the reader has healthy coping mechanisms and they talk and teach him about it.

Thank you

❤️❤️❤️

"I want a happy ending with you..."

Characters: Osamu Dazai

Warnings: depression, overthinking, insecurities, coping with depression, mentions of reader not eating, gn!reader, mentions of suicide (Dazai's death), maybe bad English?, idk if Dazai will be ooc but just in case, brief mention of panic attacks, it's quite long, ngl;

Notes: hello, Nani~! Thank you so much for worrying~ ♡. I'm happy that you requested, though I must say you caught me by surprise with this request. Personally, as someone who deals with depression, I don't know if I have a coping mechanism for depression? I just try and distract myself from overthinking? (Never ignore your feelings, please. Look for someone willing to hear you) But I'm glad I can talk about this. Also, I'll be speaking from MY experience dealing with depression so I want to be clear that not everyone deals with depression the same way just in case anyone gets confused, ok? Well, I hope I can do this without fucking up. And sorry if it's too long for your liking and uhhh maybe the end is a bit rushed?? Idk, I'm sorry. And sorry for posting this so late!

Osamu Dazai isn't only known for his amazing and shocking books, but also because of his tragic ending. He died by committing suicide with his lover, Tomie Yamazaki, on June 13, 1948. But an opportunity came and Le Comte de Saint-Germain gave him the chance to continue living as a vampire moments before his death... And he accepted.

It is well known that Osamu Dazai battled with depression most of his life, attempting suicide more than once. His decision of living as an immortal is still a mystery.

But he doesn't regret being an immortal being, not now that he met you. You were the most beautiful and extraordinary person in his eyes and nothing could change his mind. You were gorgeous and deserved to be treated like royalty. You were his light.

But he was no fool. Though he always seemed silly and loved to tease, that didn't mean he was a fool, on the contrary. Of all thr guests in the mansion, he was the most observant and attentive to any physical or emotional change in other people. And he knew damn well what you were thinking or feeling.

Depression. You were battling with depression, just like he was.

It all started with the panic attacks you started to have when you arrived at the mansion. I mean, who wouldn't be anxious? You were all alone stuck in another century in a mansion full of men. And if that wasn't scary enough, those men were vampires. You had all the right to be anxious.

He didn't pay much attention to it at first. I mean, he helped you to accommodate in the mansion and was always there to get a smile out of you, but he didn't really think anything else about the panic attacks.

That was until the sudden episodes started.

They started out of nowhere. The night before you could be giggling and dancing with all the guests in the house then the next day in the morning you were oddly quiet. The forced smile on your face when any of the guests were talking, but as soon as they took their eyes off of you, your smile would disappear and you would remain silent again while you stared into space.

When you two started dating, he noticed more about you that just screamed what you were going through. You were always overthinking about the most simple things and were constantly insecure, asking yourself is you were good enough for him or if you could ever make him happy. Then he noticed that you barely slept at night, but always felt sleepy during the day. But what made him step in was when you refused to eat your meal once when you clearly didn't eat all day.

Dazai knew what was going on inside your head and, while he didn't know how to help himself, he wanted to help you because if he helped you he could be better. So he decided to talk to you about it.

"Oh, that..." you whispered, not knowing how to talk about it. "Yes, I'm aware that I did wrong on skipping my meal today... That's why I'm going for a walk."

Anyone else wouldn't have thought anything of what you said, but not Dazai. Dazai felt his chest sink as you said the words "go for a walk." He didn't know if you also had those thoughts and, although he had resorted to double suicide on multiple occasions, he tried to ignore those thoughts and if he dragged you along with him he would lose you forever.

"I'll go with you." he offered, hiding his fear in a smile. "How impolite of me it would be to let you walk alone at this time of the afternoon, don't you think?"

You stayed a few long seconds in silence, contemplating if nothing would happen if he went with you. In the end you agreed to his offer with the thought in mind that maybe, just maybe, this walk could help him too.

"But eat something first." he ordered, his tone still soft and gentle. "I won't let you leave until you eat something."

Although little, you were able to eat the delicious dinner that you had helped Sebastian make. You ate quickly because you wanted to go out and clear your mind. You didn't want to, you had to.

"Can we please go to a walk now?" you pleaded and Dazai had no choice but to go out with you. Using the door, of course. Through the window it was going to be difficult for you.

Dusk came and the sky was painted a set of orange and purple colors. The atmosphere was perfect for a date like those you two used to have from time to time, but today was going to be an exception.

You both walked in silence without any exact destination. Dazai expected you to say something to him, but you only admired the beautiful surroundings. What distracted you was a quiet and lonely children's park. You looked at Dazai, and without waiting for an answer, you walked over to the swings and began to swing.

"Come sit with me." you called out to him while smiling softly.

He quickly sits on the swing next to you and rocks with you. You both enjoy the relaxing atmosphere, the afternoon breeze, and the soft laughter that you both let out. For a moment, you both forgot the real reason you had come out. You felt happy to be able to enjoy this moment with him, even though you knew that this joy would vanish for the moment, but you didn't care. At this precise moment, you didn't care because you knew that the reason for your happiness was Dazai.

But... You stopped. You stopped because even though you were happy with him, you had to talk to him. You continued to rock, but your laughter stopped.

"Dazai, love." you called, causing him to stop.

"Yes?" he answered.

"You know... I know that you better than anyone can understand what's happening to me. These sudden mood swings and so on..."

Dazai stopped swinging on the swing and looked at you. He didn't know what to answer you, although what you said was true: Dazai could understand you better than anyone.

"Sometimes I go out to distract myself." you continued talking. "I'm always looking for something to distract myself and try not to get consumed by it. I'm trying, I swear."

That piqued his curiosity. Distract you? Did that work? He personally never knew how to deal with his depression, since he lived in other times, but he was interested in knowing how you managed to deal with it.

"What things do you do to distract yourself?" Dazai asked interested.

"Oh! Well... I sometimes sneak to hear Mozart playing, which relaxes me." you started to explain a little embarrassed. "Or I bake too. Sometimes sleeping helps."

"That's... I didn't know there were ways to help deal with this." Dazai admitted, fascinated. "So you do things you like to distract and relax yourself?"

"That's correct." you gave him a small smile.

"I see... Can I try something like that too?" Dazai asked.

"Of course! Just look for things that can relax you." you recommended.

"Writing works... And spending time with you."

You blushed when you heard what he said and lowered your head, smiling.

He loved you. You both loved each other. You might have your problems, but you loved each other deeply. Your wish, his wish, the wish of both of you was to overcome whatever life threw at you and be together... For eternity.

[bourbon-ontherocks]

this is the depressing ask. beware. 😂 

first I want to thank the writers for so helpful reminding us of 305 with the line about naked suspects. clearly, morgane wasn’t there to witness adam’s frightful interrogation because she’d have eviscerated him then and there (that’s what I like to think, at least). 

bref. the ending. are we really doing this? I feel like this conversation’s been had a thousand times before yet the show doesn’t seem to have heard any of it. or doesn’t care. (I’ll let you list off the reasons why it’s an awful twist, if you feel up to it, because I’m frankly too tired for that) 

I hate the way they showed a sonogram as if to hammer home she’s carrying a child, not a fetus, when it's the other way round. I hate the mamma mia montage, as if figuring out whose genes are involved is the priority. I hate the 306 retcon, get this shit away from me, both their drinks were spiked. I hate that we’re supposed to believe none of these grown adults (the ones who weren’t drugged, at least) considered protection. especially morgane--she’s had DREAMS about this, ffs, there’s no way that wouldn’t cross her mind. I hate the ramifications of every single way this could go down (too long to expound but you get me). I hate that there’s even a shred of doubt about how this will go down. I hate that they served us some watered-down so-called feminist juice for a whole season and still decided to use morgane’s body as an open ground for drama. 

given the way they’ve addressed the question in the ep, I’m very pessimistic about s4. Idk about you but my only solace is knowing it’s out of our hands, anyway, so I don’t have to waste my energy trying to change anybody’s mind. 

thanks for sticking along on this ride. wouldn't have had it any other way. and good luck for the year ahead of us, everybody. the only way out is through! 🤞

Nodding along at everything you said because yeah, and also while I liked Adam's line about naked suspects, your point about Morgane finding out about it just gave me a fantastic idea to add to my WIP, so thank you for that!

Now for the ending.

I think there are two main points to distinguish here because obviously, my personal distaste for pregnancy and baby storylines makes the idea of Morgane bearing a fourth child everything I don't want to see. BUT, had the circumstances been wildly different, I could have come to terms with it and accepted it, as in "Yeah I don't like this turn of events but I can get over it because it makes sense narratively and serves an interesting purpose". What actually makes this finale awful are the circumstances of this pregnancy, and now we're getting to the essay-ish part of this post where I'll try to explain

Why HPI finale is lazy, infuriating, and profoundly anti-feminist

Just like you point out, this mamma mia scenario was already explored in… well… mamma mia, plus countless other stories, zero originality here, I expected better from HPI tbh. And I read just yesterday an interview with the producer saying "Season 4 be like, we're looking for a baby daddy instead of a murderer lolilol", yea guess what, I DON'T CARE. For a while after watching the episode, I dared to hope that the montage in the end was purposefully misleading, that soon Morgane would come to her senses and remember that she did use protection with at least Timothée and David, because I 100% agree with you, it's ridiculous to make us believe that none of these people ever had a thought about contraception. Timothée even said "We're not trying yet", which means he kinda knows how not to try, no? And also I can accept the idea that Morgane isn't on any kind of birth control because it happens (some women react badly to pills and IUDs, etc), but she was with Ludo for half a season so they must have used condoms, she has to know and think about it (and like you said, she's DREAMED of it, and explicitly said that SHE DIDN'T WANT A FOURTH KID - I'll get to that later because it makes me fume). Besides, she's had three kids already, she knows how this all works. So yeah, it's lazy and implausible.

What I find particularly infuriating in this 3-baby-daddies plotline is also the deeply misogynistic trope of seeing a female character unable to enjoy an unapologetic sex life with multiple partners without getting punished by the script with an unwanted pregnancy. This is the literal definition of slut-shaming by the way. I was going to say that I didn't see where you found feminist vibes in the show, but then I remembered how much I loved the way Morgane expresses her feminity, her desire, and her sexuality, and…. yea, this is exactly the point I'm trying to make (also I loved seeing childfree, 40+ characters who were thriving but that's another discussion I guess). Seeing that we're still there in 2023 legitimately makes me sick.

Speaking of misogynistic tropes… I guess the ONE detail that really makes me want to throw spears at the writers is the sixteen weeks' mention. By purposefully making her too far in her pregnancy for abortion, they robbed her of having a choice. I mean, they could have got her two months pregnant, and then for some bad (imo) reasons she'd have decided to keep the baby, it would have made no difference for what's coming next. I wouldn't have loved it, sure, but it would have been fine by me because at least it'd have been her decision. Here she's just subjected to the plot, and like you said, her body is used as a narrative tool, and it feels like a slap in the face. Not to mention that even here they fucked up the timeline, because she fucked Timothée, David, and Adam in the span of like 4 days, right? Literally the day after the LSD adventures she and Adam decide to wait for three months, and the montage insists on how on the schedule they are. And I'd say that 307-308 happen within a week maximum because Redbone's not one to wait three weeks for his money lol. So 3 months is 12, 13 weeks at most, which means that in the end, Morgane is 14 weeks pregnant AT BEST (which makes her still eligible for abortion, mhhhh, see where I'm going with this? 🤔), and not 16. The only valid explanation would be that it's Timothée's baby and that she was already pregnant when she had her other encounters, but since the show seems to go in another direction, then it means that they purposefully fucked up the numbers so that she CANNOT consider abortion, which is the most dehumanizing, disempowering thing you can do to a female character.

They're literally forcing a pregnancy on her, and I want to throw up every time I think about it.

Speaking of which. Morgnane's already had three kids. Also, she told us in season 2 about her first-trimester symptoms. And she's supposed to be smart, hell that's the WHOLE point of the show. So there's no way she wouldn't have noticed that she was pregnant again, unless she denied her pregnancy (which would explain her total absence of symptoms, incredulity at the hospital, and possibly the fact that her brain erased her sexytimes with Adam). Now pregnancy denial is one of my greatest fears in life, so I can hear that this was particularly triggering for me specifically, but still, this is an incredibly traumatic experience to throw at her, and a source of huge emotional distress. SHE STATED SHE DIDN'T WANT A FOURTH KID FOR FUCK'S SAFE AND YOU ARE FORCING HER TO GET ONE WHEN SHE'S AT HER LOWEST, AND YOU'RE EXPECTING US TO FIND THIS FUNNY??????? I mean just go sell potatoes and stop writing shows because this is an insult to the art of writing.

😠🔪😭

Sorry I need a minute to have a good cry and yell at the abyss.

.

Okay, I'll just close the 16-week essay by saying that I entirely blame Audrey Fleurot for this, and this is what I base my theory on:

I mean, cool bro if it worked for you (except it didn't, do you want to talk again about your post-partum? Is that what you're planning for Morgane?) and I get that acting can be a therapy in some way, but this is getting way too close to the target, just get the fuck out of the writing room if that's what you're going to come up with, PLEASE.

I'm not sure where you see a 306 retcon though, for me it's pretty clear they were both under the influence, had sex, and blacked out about it (which as @earanie and @hemerae-ramblings pointed out, is highly unrealistic since memory losses are NOT a side-effect of LSD, but I can hear the argument of denial here). But speaking of 306, the finale completely doomed this episode for me, because in retrospect it feels like a giant set-up. The LSD scene is ONLY here to make it possible for Adam to have unprotected sex (side point here, I'm actually not mad they hooked up, even though it's kind of frustrating to see it happen this way, because I find the "offscreen banging reveal" a hilarious yet underused trope, and also I like the messiness), and while this last point is in a way funny, the worst part is the three months window at the end, which has in fact NOTHING to do with Adam sorting his feelings or whatever but is only here to forbid the possibility of abortion for Morgane, and this makes me want to stab people multiple times.

Also, one last thing that I find absolutely disgusting is the fact that Morgane and Adam (presumably) conceived a baby against their will (there's a whole other discussion to have about consent here but I won't go there for today) while solving a case about a BABY BORN FROM RAPE. I mean, can you make it more icky than that? Do the writers even acknowledge the irony of this? Do they even care? This baby is doomed by the narrative from the fertilization stage, and we're supposed to enjoy it as a comedy?

And now I assume we'll get to watch a forced coming together between Adam and Morgane due to the circumstances, which means that even if they end up together we'll never know if they actually wanted it? What a way to kill a ship, man, I've seen shows pretty efficient at ship-sinking but this has to be in the top three.

(somehow there's a wild irony in the fact that both the showrunners and the main cast have been saying on repeat from season 1 that they didn't want to make that disappointing season that ruins most shows, and yet they managed to spectacularly fuck-up and promise the worst season ever, and they're already paying for it audience-wise...)

See, all of this is the silver lining I'm holding onto for now, in the hope of a miscarriage (which would also be incredibly traumatic for Morgane, and still an objectified-by-the-plot scenario, but at this point our options are limited. Also for now the showrunners are only mentioning the pregnancy but not the baby so maybe there's a tiny chance she actually doesn't have it), because there's no way anyone could rejoice from this. And if she does have this baby, and if it's Adam's, then I'll officially change their shipname from Brosse Adam to Brosse & Rachel, and this will probably be my last contribution to this fandom. Hated this in Friends, will hate it in HPI.

I'm not pessimistic about season 4, anon, I just don't want to consider it at all. Obviously, I'm ready to withdraw everything I said here if they choose the only acceptable outcome (abortion) and actually make an extremely powerful narrative and political statement about it, but I know it's off the table. Having to endure such a plotline in 2023, at a time when women's right to dispose of their own bodies is threatened everywhere in the world, is a very painful punch in the face, and I sincerely hope they'll get a ton of backlash on social media for this. I just saw this morning that the airing of 308 had the lowest audience numbers ever in the show's history, and I can't say that it makes me unhappy.

(I was lowkey hoping for a cancellation at this point, even though I know the chances weren't great, but I found out today that the show was officially renewed so we won't even get the solace of knowing they can't do any further damage... Eh 🤷‍♀️)

Finally, the thing that saddens me the most isn't even what they did to Morgane and to the show, it's what they did to our community as a result. I have been alone in this fandom for almost a year, and it was incredibly frustrating. And then people joined, created content, interacted, had fun, and we had such an amazing time together, writing, giffing, vidding, sharing theories, jokes, and thoughts. I've met some incredible, witty people, some of them I dare to call friends. And now it feels like everything is falling apart. Friends are leaving, or considering to. Group chats have turned into support groups. The writers didn't only ruin the show, they took away the enjoyment we gathered from it, and it sickens me. Personally, I've had a very rough first semester of 2023, and this community is what has kept me afloat. It's made me smile and laugh in times of sadness, it's given me a shiny, quirky escape that I'll never be grateful enough for. And to witness it all collapsing really hurts. I do hope it's just a bump in the road, that we'll come back eventually, sticking together and collectively despising canon, ignoring it by ferociously writing AUs, and roasting the timeline, and making Daphné-centered vids, but I'm not even sure myself where I stand regarding my own involvement in this fandom. Nothing else to say, I just miss what we had, that's all 😢

Now that I'm thinking about it, "J'avais tellement envie que ça marche entre nous" is exactly how I feel about canon right now. You know when I said that getting into a new hyperfixation felt like falling in love? Well, this shitty ending feels like getting ugly dumped.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, anon, and thank you for sticking with me too. It's too early to say if this is officially the end of Julia's adventures with the HPI anon or not, but please know that I've loved every second of the ride and that I will never forget it 🥲

😘🥃👻

[reidsaurora]

"Part Thirteen: I Have To" ~ S. Reid

Summary: Spencer shows up at Imogen's door, one thing on his mind: how he has to love her. No matter her response.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Imogen Sterren (bipolar!OC)

Word Count: 2,357

Content Warning: explicit language, small mention of church (is that a warning? idk but) small mentions of Spencer's drug addiction, tiny mention of puke, this whole chapter is mostly Spencer having a panic attack, mentions of bipolar episodes, lmk if i missed anything!

Genre: Angst to Fluff, i'd say

Extra Notes: i… i may have almost cried while writing this 😀

Based On the Song: Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift

Originally Written: 02/07/2023 (re-edited 03/05/2023)

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

"Soon You'll Get Better" series masterlist can be found here!

"𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭? 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬?" - 𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐜𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬

It was nearing sunset and Spencer still hadn't found the courage to knock on Imogen's door.

Every time he even thought about stepping onto the yellow-accented front porch, knocking on the robin's egg colored door, coming face to face with brown waves and the shade of green he often found himself missing, he panicked. His hands would quiver, his airway would tighten, and his mind would start to feel so enclosed that he felt like a tiger trapped in a cage at a zoo.

After a while, he started using anything he could as a distraction, taking a particular interest in his surroundings. Sure, it was nice to smell the fresh air after being stuffed in a police precinct for two days, and the sky was a beautiful array of oranges and pinks, but Spencer knew deep down he was just doing what he always did when it came to confrontation: stalling.

It was nearing six o'clock and yet, there he sat—fiddling with the fastenings of his cardigan, taking as deep of breaths as he could manage, and only occasionally looking up to see if somehow Imogen was watching him from the doorway or the window.

At some point, he found his thumb hovering over Penelope's number in his list of emergency contacts. He glanced at the clock in the upper right corner of the screen, realizing that another fifteen minutes had already passed since the last time he checked it.

He let out a deep breath, whispered a quick, "Fuck it," and hit the call button, finding the tiniest bit of solitude in the buzzing sound that rang in his ear.

After three rings, Penelope answered, her voice as gentle as a mother holding her newborn baby. "You haven't talked to her yet, have you?" she asked, a slight tone of disappointment coating her voice.

He shook his head as if she could see him before answering, "I don't know if I can, Penelope. What if I set off another episode? What if seeing me triggers her and I undo all that progress she's made? What if-"

"Oh, boy wonder," she interrupted, her tone staying even but nurturing, "you and all your 'what ifs'."

She wished she could place a comforting hand on his shoulder while simultaneously wishing she could just slap him and say, "Can't you see?"

But Penelope, being ever the peacekeeper, simply said, "I know only a sith deals in absolutes, but who cares what Obi-Wan thinks anyway? Anakin was hotter, both figuratively and literally."

Her rambling elicited a chuckle from Spencer, and the mere sound of it made Penelope smile. She basked in it for a moment, taking in that sweet sound she hadn't heard in at least a week.

After a beat, she spoke up once again. "You shouldn't waste your life away worrying about all the what ifs. There are literally so many other things—more important things—to think about it. Like the fact that you have the ability to give Imogen the best life she could ever ask for. You can be the one to help her any time she has an episode, whether it be a manic high or a depressive down. Spencer Reid, you could be the one who helps her gain custody of August again. You can help her get better."

Spencer let out a deep breath, his fingers flying up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He sat there stiffly, knowing she was right, but also believing he didn't have the strength to do it.

Spencer could also be the one to fuck up her life. Spencer could also be the one to cause a manic high or a depressive down. Spencer could also be the one to make her worse off again.

Penelope spoke up again, her voice stern yet sincere when she said, "But you are not going to accomplish a damn thing sitting on that bench and staring at her front door."

Spencer's expression change to one of confusion as he started to ask, "How did you-"

"Turn around."

He turned, and not ten feet away, there she stood—go-bag in hand, wearing an orange dress and sporting off her new red hair color that the sunset behind her only complemented, tears welling in those blue eyes that hid behind cerulean glasses.

"What are you doing here?" he managed to ask, stepping toward her with open arms.

She wrapped her arms around his sweater-vest-covered midsection, basking in his embrace. Neither Spencer nor Penelope would ever admit it to their therapists, but they were becoming quite codependent on each other.

After a moment, she pulled away and placed both her hands on either side of his face. "Spencer, I love you. You are quite possibly my favorite person ever, besides the perfect hunk of chocolate that is named Derek Morgan. So please know that I say this out of love."

He looked down at her, cracking a half-smile and finding peace in the fact that she was there. The one absolute Spencer had in life was there, standing in front of him, and doing the one thing he asked of her: being Penelope.

"Do not be an idiot. I know you think that's something impossible for you to do since you have that two thousand IQ score and all those PhDs, but if you walk away from here without at least telling her you still love her, you will officially win the Guinness World Record for biggest idiot."

He pulled her back in for another hug, leaving a soft peck on her hairline. "Where would I be if I didn't have you to keep me in check?" he chuckled, his chin settling atop her scalp.

"I love you, and this moment has been super sweet and all, but I need you to stop using me as a distraction and go get your girl," she mumbled into the fabric of his sweater.

And so, he gave her one last peck on the head before stepping away, sliding his shaking hands into the pockets of his slacks. But, before he could make it to Imogen's door, he stopped. "Hey, you didn't tell me why you came."

"I needed to be here for you," she answered, as if it were a given, as if it didn't need explaining. "I needed to drive you home and comfort you if it went badly, but I also needed to be here if it went well and we needed to go out for drinks and celebrate. Plus, you know I couldn't possibly pass up on a chance to join in on one of Emily Prentiss's sin-to-win weekends."

He chuckled, a sound Penelope just couldn't get enough of on that breezy October night, and stepped up to the wooden door that blocked him from winning back the love of his life.

He slid his hand out of his pocket before tapping on the door, unsure if he'd even hit the door loud enough for someone to hear him.

But, after about ten seconds, the shuffling of slippers could be heard on the other side of the door, and just the mere sound had Spencer on the verge of passing out.

The door opened agonizingly slow, but what hid behind was well worth the wait.

Light brown hair that used to dangle near her mid-back had been darkened to a chocolate brown and sat just under her chin. Bennington pajamas had been replaced with lounge clothes that Imogen picked out, not anyone else. And tired, misty eyes had been replaced with youthful eyes, accompanied by a sweet yet confident smile.

Imogen eyed Spencer up and down, her grin only growing as she realized he too had had a confidence makeover since their parting. Short hair had been replaced with shoulder-length curls, he'd abandoned his silly, plaid-print ties and replaced it with his new favorite brown sweater vest, and his closed-in shoulders had been replaced with assured, broad shoulders, his posture signaling that he looked much more confident than he felt at that particular moment.

"Hey, you," she sighed. A content sigh. A sigh that signaled she would be content staying just like this for the rest of her life if it meant Spencer was there and real, not a ghost visiting her dreams. "What are you doing here?"

All confidence and assurance left his body when his hands started to shake and his eyes darted down to his worn-out Converse. He racked his brain for a response, as if he didn't know the exact reason why he'd showed up at her house on a not-so-random Friday in October.

He exhaled hard before forcing himself to look back up at her. "Can I come in?" he forced himself to ask.

She gave him a closed-lip smile before moving away from the door. "Of course."

He found himself mesmerized by how she decorated a space that was hers. No one else's, Imogen's. From the pink throw pillows on the couch to the cross-stitched photo of a tulip bouquet hanging on the wall, it was clear that she'd made this place her own in the nearly three years she'd been living here.

Spencer was tempted to see if the gray, cloth couch felt as comfy as it looked, but resisted, forcing himself to speak the words that had been sitting on his mind since he arrived earlier in the day.

"Imogen," he started, his chest suddenly feeling constricted by the button-up sitting beneath his sweater, "there are so many things I need to tell you. I need to tell you how you've only grown more beautiful with each day that has passed. I need to tell you that I am so proud of you for taking the steps to get yourself better. But none of that matters until I say this."

He swallowed back every tear that had been threatening to fall that day before continuing, "I know you said that we needed to be away from each other. But I can't anymore. OK, you may have had to go away, but there is something I have to do too—love you. Wholeheartedly. I need you to know that not once in the entire 1,384 days that we've been apart have I ceased to love you. Hell, I even started going to church for you at one point. I mean, I guess that was essentially canceled out when I started taking drugs to distract myself from you-"

He stopped himself, shaking his head. "None of that's relevant. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is this: I have to love you. I just have to. And I don't care if you throw me out of here and you never wanna see me again, I will continue to love you, even if that happens."

"Spencer-"

"I don't care if you tell me you hate my guts. Truth be told, I probably deserve it after not manning up and admitting to myself that I needed to help you."

"Spence-"

"None of that matters now. All I know is that I love you. And I love every single thing about you. Every quirk, every trait. I love how you organize the condiments in the fridge by color when I can't even remember to check the expiration dates. I love that you dot your i's with open circles. I love that you somehow always smell like fresh linen, even though I'm fairly positive that's not a scent in the wide variety of women's perfumes that this world has to offer. I even love that you dog-ear your pages, even though it drives me bat shit crazy when my coworkers do it on the plane. I love you. That's all I know. That's all I've known since that night you coached me through that bad panic attack when I was literally seconds away from sobbing on the bathroom floor. And you know how much I hate touching places where people have stepped."

Imogen giggled, a real genuine giggle that Spencer hadn't heard in what felt like a lifetime. A giggle that sounded like honeysuckle, and happiness, and home.

She forced back tears that welled in those perfectly teal eyes Spencer couldn't get enough of. "Can you give me just a few minutes? You can sit there on the couch. There's just… I need to give you something."

He nodded, his heart heavy with anxiety as she walked toward what was presumably her bedroom. He was tempted to shed himself of the constricting fabrics that clung to his chest and arms, but thought better of it, all things considered.

His anxiety only grew worse as he considered his tangent, thought after thought racing through his brain. What if I said too much? What if she hates me? What will she think about drug addiction? What if she comes back and shoves me right back out the front door?

But, much like a guardian angel, that beautiful, melodious voice that belonged to one Penelope Garcia rang through his ears. And suddenly, he was OK. It didn't matter if Imogen accepted him. He was there, he'd made peace, and he was purely, absolutely, wholly himself. And that was OK.

Three minutes that felt more like ten hours had passed before she came back, and with every breath Spencer took within those minutes, he felt as though he'd vomit all over her shaggy brown rug, despite the comfort in the voice that sounded through his ears.

When Imogen walked back into the room, she didn't say anything. Instead, she just placed a chestnut-colored envelope in his hand, her t's still crossed with the same curl she always used.

He didn't have to open the letter, he already knew by the smile on her face what her response would be.

Still, in the most comfortable silence he'd felt in three years, he opened the envelope, pulling out pink, floral stationery that felt just so inherently Imogen.

"Dear Spencer,

You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. And wish from this day forth never to be parted from you.

Ever again.

I mean it. - Imogen 𖤐"

"𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞." - 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐀𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧

Welcome one and all to what was originally the end of SYGB 🥲

The last two parts were technically the epilogue but because I just couldn't get enough of Spencogen (as i'm choosing their ship name to be), I wrote a bonus chapter which is now the finale.

But could you imagine if it ended here? Open ending, not really any closure? It's kind of sad to think about.

All that aside, I hope you guys enjoyed the second of the final three SYGB chapters. I know I had a lot of fun and a lot of emotions writing this one 💖

-> taglist: @lowsodiumfreaks67 @drayshadow @alexxavicry @nomajdetective @kbakery @leigh70 @darkloverfox @sammyrenae68 @cherrycandle @asgardprincess97 @gh0stgurl @esposadomd @randomwriter1021 @eddieharrington @lunar-affection @givemeth @lavhoes @rhyanishere @cat-lockwood @danielle143 @marsmallow433 @handsupforamiracle @topguncultleader @mente-sindescanso @reverieofmgg @spencer-reids-adventures @ah-blossom @encyclo-reid-ia @reidselle @thevisionthedream @dungeons-are-too-cold @wwwonzeee @louderfortheback @reidsbookclub @annahalstead5021 @cwritesforfun @soapiebear @maelartasch @buckyyyismahhlife @cynbx @hellooitsrose @rexorangecouny

☆𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒☆

[hmhmhmhmsssss]

I feel so crazy and i just feel so bad i dont know im always feeling everything its so hard im anxious because my best friend wont answer and its just irrational and its just frustrating because i was genuinely just doing better anx im afraid of slipping again i know as soon as she answers ill be fine but what if she answers tomorrow mmm idk its fine im gonna be fine i just really wish i wasnt so anxious about it im scared of myself im genuinely so scared of hurting her and i went through a manic episode for a couple months and she said i hurt her and i didnt mean to be too much i genuinely hate myself i am trying to help it but i cant help feeling it i can control my actions but i cant control my emotions and i dont know if thats bad i dont know if im abusing her or anyone i know im so alone im scared of myself genuinely so scared i cant talk to people and i just want to be alone and have no friends because i hate myself i think i was too emotional and depressed and vented too much to her and thats why she was hurting anymd i understand that i didnt mean it i genuinely didnt mean it and im such a terrible horrible person i cant live with myself and i will never be in any healthy relationship platonic or romantic ever in my life and i should just be alone forever i need to protect myself and others i hate myself i dont mwan it i promise i dont mean it is it selfish to ask for just a little understanding i know im too much i know i know i know i am but i have to live with myself everyday if me struggling is just too much then maybe i have too much baggage and maybe i should keep it to myself i justdont want to hurt people i love i feel so crazy and i just want it to stop i want to feel okay i want one single regular day i dont want to be too much